Women’s Ministry Minute
May 11, 2020
With Daniaja Davis
Fun fact about me. I hate change. I absolutely despise it. I don’t like surprises. I very much so enjoy being in control of my own comings and goings. So, as you can imagine, this entire pandemic has been a control freak’s worst nightmare. And I won’t sugar coat it, these last few months have been extremely hard for me.
A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. Learning this turned my entire world upside down. I was upset with God because of the way he made me. I took matters into my own hands in order to manage this disorder. I relied on making my life as structured and predictable as possible to try and be in control over a disorder that, honestly, at times is very much out of my control. I came up with a plan for my life that I just knew would pan out exactly how I wanted it to. And for a while, it was. I got an amazing job straight out of college, I moved into a place of my own, I had big ministry goals and plans I was looking forward to, I started dating an amazing, Godly man…everything was on track.
Well then a pandemic happened. And suddenly everything was different. My job, my goals, my plan, my structure, was all changed.
Some days are very, very hard. Some days I cry out of sheer sadness, and disappointment, and fear of the days to come. Some days I feel so much unlike myself that I seem almost unrecognizable to the woman I usually am. Very quickly God showed me that I was never in control in the first place. And that I will never be at a place of peace until I give control over to him.
I have been clinging to the Psalms lately as I’ve been learning to cry out to God when things aren’t okay. My favorite is Psalm 30:11-12 -
“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.”
I won’t lie and say that I’ve had some big breakthrough to share with you all and that now I’m ready to take the rest of this pandemic by storm. Some days I’m still deeply sad. Some days my mental health gets the better of me and getting out of bed is hard. But I know that God will always turn my wailing into dancing. And every day God shows me new reasons to be joyful. So I will continue to sing His praises. And for those of you out there who may be struggling mentally or emotionally as well, that’s okay. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to not be okay right now. But know that God wants to turn your wailing into dancing too. You just have to give him the full control. And even in a time of social distancing and isolation, you are not alone, reach out for help when you need it, and remember that God hears your cries.