Women’s Ministry Minute
June 10, 2020
With Sarah Tomlinson
I have the privilege of facilitating a group for women in my church called Spiritual Discovery. In it, and in my daily and weekly conversations with women in my life, I can often be found listening and trying to help people identify the differences between carrying ‘your burden’ and carrying ‘your own load.’ To (very) quickly sum it up. Load-In Greek, Phortion, it’s translated to describe a soldier’s pack--a load each man must bear themselves. Burdens, however, are vastly different. In Greek,Burden- Baros, means a weight. It can be described as “anything that makes a demand on you physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually that is too heavy to carry on your own.” (Spiritual Discovery). Some examples would be loss of a loved one, sickness, disease, trauma, or another life crisis. It can also be a need for spiritual guidance of encouragement. (Spiritual Discovery). If I can be totally honest with you, 2019 was NOT ‘my year’. It felt like life event after life event and bad decision after bad decision were just coming together in what felt like a never-ending onslaught of hurt. Saying goodbye to Grandma Judy Hiemberger after her battle with cancer late last summer was the icing on the cake of truly what felt like one of the worst years of my life. My season of grieving lasted a long time. A really long time. And I know it did for some of you as well. There are still moments and days when it’s hard to think of her not being physically present for some big moments in my life and others. It was a Burden that I had no idea how to carry on my own. I tried y’all. I really did. But I HAD to let others carry my burdens. I would have been crushed under the pain if I hadn’t. I vividly remember a moment with my brother, where we were simply able to share our grief. He reached over and just grabbed my hand and held on tight. Though his own eyes were filled with tears from his grief. He didn’t say a word, he was just there, sharing in my pain and my tears. He helped carry my burden, and I hope I helped carry his. Another dear, dear friend helped as well, Harriet Kersh, or as I like to call her “my other mama”. She saw me, truly saw me, in a moment of utter panic and overwhelming emotion and all she did was walk up, reach out for me and hold onto me tight. For a long time, while I cried some real ugly tears. She listened to my hurt, and in that moment, she sat aside her own pain for losing her friend, and just shared in my grief and in my pain. Her daughters, who are some of my closest friends, and people I truly consider to be family, did the same. I will forever be grateful for them for those moments, and so many others that we have shared over the years of being in each other’s lives. Lord, may I be someone who can help carry their burdens as we walk through this life together. If I am not, make me into that! I think we can all agree that People of Color have long carried burdens that some of us will never fully truly comprehend or understand. Black and brown people have carried the weight of oppression and trauma for centuries. I’m not going to go into all the atrocities that have happened, as that’s not what I want to focus on- but, it’s burdensome. It’s heavy. I imagine it sometimes feels like the weight of the world is too much to bear. I can’t honestly say that I fully know that because I have not experienced that specific pain. I will never truly understand what some of that pain and utter anguish feels like. But, I do know what pain feels like. I know the anguish of loving someone and watching them pass from this life. I know the hurt of being rejected, of being afraid. (is it the same thing as the current issues right now? No. not in the slightest. I’m not arguing that point at all..) What I am saying is that I can empathize, and I can love. I can do my part to help carry my brother and sister’s burden. I can reach out and I can embrace. I can try and find common ground. I can offer the hand of friendship. We all have pain. I’ll say it again, We all have pain. Sometimes, we need to just try and set aside our own stuff for just a minute to reach out to your friend who is in anguish; our friend or our fellow human who is burdened with a weight they can no longer carry. May we all be image bearers of Christ in this way. I believe as followers of Christ that we are called to help break the chains of injustice. We are called to take the yokes off of our fellow man’s backs. We are called to love. We are called to carry each other’s burdens. If you are still wrestling with what to say, or how to help carry this or other burdens for your friends, here’s some quick practicals:
1. LISTEN. Don’t judge. Don’t argue. Just LISTEN.
2. Do your best to validate their pain, even if it doesn’t fully make sense to you. Acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers, but thank them for having the courage to share their heart.
3. Be a safe place for your friend. Practice empathy. If you don’t understand how to empathize, or what that actively looks like, do some homework. Engage in workshops, classes, get on YouTube and listen to Tedtalks about empathy and trauma. Anything. It’s a start.
4. Ask yourself what areas you need to grow in in empathy and compassion.
5. Be willing to make mistakes. And to be humble about it when you do.