Women’s Ministry Minute
June 9, 2020
With Sally Allender
Within this past year and a half there have been a lot of transitions in my life. Getting married, graduating, working full time, leaving the campus ministry, and entering the “yo-pros.” These past 4 months have been a monster of their own. But, a couple months before all this I was struggling to want to have any time with God. I blamed it on being “busy,” and kept saying I would get to it. I realized when I did have time with God, it was very rushed and almost forced. I started to realize that leaving campus ministry (obviously) had a huge impact on my walk with God. No more planned lessons on what to learn, when to reach out, and what to study in my quiet times to name a few. Along the way, I somehow learned to go with the motions, it was like a switched flipped off. Sadly, I lost the sincerity of loving to just be with God. One of my favorite scriptures- Romans 12:9 “Love must be sincere…” But I realized, was my love sincere? I came across Hebrews 10:22, “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled from a guilty conscience…” This is exactly what I wanted to be able to do. The word “sincere” in Greek means “opposite of counterfeit, imaginary, simulated or pretended.” WOW, I was shocked when hearing this because that was my walk with God. I felt overwhelmed as to how to change it. Like many, I grew up in a Christian household, and have gone to church my whole life. Because of this, I am starting to see how deeply rooted these hidden motivations are. I started to hear the true thoughts regarding my time with God…“I should just do it and get it over with,” “it’s the right thing to do,” and “God will be angry if you don’t.” Somehow I thought this this type of guilt driven fear and almost fakeness toward God was the goal. 1 John 4:18-19 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us.” 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” These scriptures tell me that He wants me, genuine me. I was approaching Him like I would in a business meeting, with an agenda. I was not actually letting out my thoughts and anxieties. Would I ever want a friend to be my friend out of guilt or withhold their feelings? No. He showed us the perfect way to love first! Honestly, for the next couple weeks I decided I wouldn’t out of force or guilt have times with God. It was hard to notice at first when I was being disingenuous with God, but then it was very clear. I had to retrain my mind. There were days I didn’t talk to Him at all. There were days I only prayed or only read. And then as life went on and I would go days without talking to God I realized how much I missed Him, and the guidance and wisdom only HE can give. When situations came up in my life, I immediately thought about scriptures and His wisdom. Psalm 119: 45,47-48 “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts… for I delight in your commands because I love them. I reach out for your commands, which I love, that I may meditate on your decrees.” I love this because there is such freedom with God. And I am learning that the motivation of walking with God, as that scripture says, is that there is love for what He says and what He did for us. It took me time, but I realized I love what God says. And I love that I don’t have to rely on my sinful, insecure self to get through this time on earth. I challenge you to reflect on how you feel about your times with God, and catch those thoughts that are disingenuous and address them directly. God sincerely cares for us, and wants to go through life with us. He wants the good, bad, and ugly!