The past couple months have been a struggle to say the least and yet a blessing we didn’t see coming. That is how God works. Great things can come out of the hardest of times (Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” )
I have been saying these past few weeks that “God put the entire world in a timeout.”
Timeouts are good for both parent and child. Giving them both time to calm down and think about what just occurred. Maybe the child was being difficult, defiant or even downright mean to their sibling. After some time apart and a moment to consider what’s next, I’m pretty sure that child got a firm talking to and a lesson about obedience and kindness. Yes, Kindness!
Why not hammer into that kid’s brain that Mom and Dad just won’t tolerate that type of behavior and treatment of others? Why not role play and re-enact how the bubble gum that mysteriously appeared in their sister’s hair won’t easily come out without tears and a pair of scissors? Why not just give them the cold shoulder and put on your grumpy pants? That will surely teach them to not mess with you! Better yet, why not show them what it means to forgive, to be patient, to be kind, to be living fruit of God’s Spirit.
A couple nights ago, our son needed help with finishing some homework. Part of the assignment was to read the convocation speech given to the 2013 graduating class of Syracuse University by Professor and Best Selling Author, George Saunders(https://vimeo.com/74650129). I was very moved by what he shared. It didn’t help that I had just watched that week a movie called The Last Full Measure (https://youtu.be/rmSaFhlcrLY). I watched it by myself and it was probably best. I bawled through the whole thing. To make matters worse, I had watched the night before a documentary called “The RainmanTwins(https://youtu.be/0yetxU1Ji4I). The life story of the world’s only identical female autistic savant twins.
Ok, back to the homework assignment. It’s been more than twenty five years since my undergrad graduation. For the life of me, I could not tell you who the guest speaker was or what they said. I do remember it rained that day and messed up my hair, that I was recovering from the flu I had the entire week of finals and that when I crossed the stage, they handed me a fake blank diploma for the sake of taking a picture (diplomas were mailed out later).
Unlike my college graduation, the class of 2013 received something quite remarkable I’m sure none of them expected. Professor Saunders began his speech with a few jokes and proceeded to say…
Here’s something I do regret:
In seventh grade, this new kid joined our class. In the interest of confidentiality, her Convocation Speech name will be “ELLEN.” ELLEN was small, shy. She wore these blue cat’s-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore. When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.
So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased (“Your hair taste good?” — that sort of thing). I could see this hurt her. I still remember the way she’d look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if, having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible, to disappear. After a while she’d drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth. At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: “How was your day, sweetie?” and she’d say, “Oh, fine.” And her mother would say, “Making any friends?” and she’d go, “Sure, lots.”
Sometimes I’d see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.
And then — they moved. That was it. No tragedy, no big final hazing.
One day she was there, next day she wasn’t.
End of story.
Now, why do I regret that?
Why, forty-two years later, am I still thinking about her? Relative to most of the other kids, I was actually pretty nice to her. I never said an unkind word to her. In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.
But still. It bothers me.
So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it:
What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.
Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded . . . sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.
Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?
Those who were kindest to you, I bet.
At this point, I was on the edge of my seat. Where had I heard that word many times before?
*Job 6:14, “Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.”
*Job 10:12, “You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit.”
*Isaiah 63:7, “I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which he is to be praised.”
*Jeremiah 9:24, “I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.”
*Jeremiah 31:3, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”
*Acts 14:17, “He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty…”
*Gal 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
*Col 3:12, “…as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
*Titus 3:4-7 “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
During his short eleven minute speech, Prof Saunders didn’t say go conquer the world and do whatever it takes to get to the top. Instead, he impressed upon these young souls,
“…my heartfelt wish for you: as you get older, your self will diminish and you will grow in love. YOU will gradually be replaced by LOVE.”
…seek out the most efficacious anti-selfishness medicines, energetically, for the rest of your life.
…err in the direction of kindness. Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality — your soul, if you will — is as bright and shining as any that has ever been. Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Teresa’s.
Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place. Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, and share its fruits tirelessly.
These past couple months, and especially this last week, I experienced a consistent heart throbbing message from God about kindness. It was crystal clear that I needed more of it. That we all need it in our hearts, in our homes and in the world. It was clear in the block buster movie about forgotten veterans, in the documentary about these amazing, but odd twins and in a seven year old convocation speech. I am grateful I took the time to be kind to my son, offer my help and give him my undivided attention. If I hadn’t I would have missed the blessing.
In such a crazy time, when we are all in timeout and have to be still and know that He is God and we are not, be kind to yourself and to one another (not your bubble gum in the hair version of kindness, but the Spirit’s holy version). It is without a doubt what we all need right now.
